another yr added to life.

ah... another yr added on. so birthday wishes? some asked. aspirations? some enquired. how u going celebrate?! hmm. duno leh :P or rather, at work as usual, now at toa payoh hdb hub, mac surfing wirelessly :D had lunch with boss and hastly rushed back office to fnish work before coming down here. now got the time to sit down and blog while waiting for a classmate to end her conference to join me and wat we do? celebrate?? NO LAR! heh. going down centerpt to do my projects...

sigh. if anyone is reading these, pray for me? i think i'm really swamped and overwhelmed by my sch work, 5 projects on hand.. i mean if its just individual work, its quite easy, i just need to sit down and start thinking and typing away but it isn't leh... have to do observations, recordings of other ppl and making informed conclusions and diagrams and statistics etc. i guess this is adult learning? :*(

i have to admit. all these are draining me dry dry.. soaked dry in the sun. (ha.. wat an illustration hor) I WANT TO REST! let me grumble abit more heh.

today, 23. past flashes of life came gushing back. how when i finished Os, Poly, my first job, and now, having been in this job for come 2 yrs! what can i see? what can i say? i think i can only say.. God has been faithful. yes, the unknown holds much, the yet-to-be gives much fears. but i know who holds my hand, i know who assures my tomorrow. Him and Him only. a new yr, given to You.

I know i've strayed much from You, i've not done ur will, i've not been obedient, i've rebelled against your law, please forgive me. help me to love You more, to know You more, mould me even though it brings pain, never leave me Lord.. i need You :* i do not want to play disciple, but to be called Good and faithful servant. in all this i pray. In Christ's precious. Amen.

Happy Birthday Xiaohui. cuz God breathe life in you 23 yrs ago :)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
- Matthew 11:27-29

its sunday again! (over soon though!)

yeayyy! its sunday once again! hmmmm! okok i've missed couple of days now. was sooo bz trying to squeeze out the 24hrs i had each day to rush my sch work n ministry. as usual, when nearing weekend, i'm always very much excited. why leh? meeting in the house of God with fellows brothers and sisters in Christ :) whom i can say, holds a big big portion of my life! WOW. since i'm on it, i shall say a bit more!

i grew up (or almost) in this church called bukit panjang methodist church (beside railmall upper bukit timah). parents brought me and bro to this church when i was 5 yrs of age! (oh man, how i grew..) without fail, sun aft sun, parents wld bring bro and myself there. we attend sunday school right up to sec4! (gosh..) heh. how traumatising it must have, for the teachers who taught me and my class :D but friendships and knowledge grew within.

now, some might say, "no wonder u're a christian now, ur parents brought u to church mah (or, ur parents are christians mah)" well, i have to say.. no.. there's no such thing as "be cuz my parents are christians (which isn't true too, as my mum isn't), then i'm 'automatically' one. sorry guys, i chose to find out wats christianity for myself. sec 4, gradt from sch, waiting for results and later waiting for poly. i started asking.. "hmm. after so mani yrs, do i really believe in a God that has been taught me every week!?" uh oh. trouble? "how could i ask such questions?!?" some would say. friends from my class were "shocked" and astonished by my sudden disbelief. but i can't.

i realise i can't just continue to do certain things on and on without really embracing it. (passion we call it?) i remembered it was quite confusing, esp i had so much free time on hand! ask my teachers, ask friends, attempt at "praying" etc. hmm. nope. didn't really much work. a youth camp. 1998, dec. "wanna join us at the camp?" my sun sch teacher invited. i went. (first camp fyi, been rejecting every single one before that) didn't know why, even with friends not wanting to go, i decided to just go and see wat i can find out abt this God.

-snip- long story cut short, one of the message sharing session, i rem e speaker said : "well, i duno what or why u are in this camp for, but i want to let u know, if you are the only one on earth, Jesus would still come, and endure the pain and suffering on the cross upon death because He loves me." i guess it was a built up and e soft heart that was so wanting to find this God that i have been taught these years. i found Him. i found God. i finally understood that its possible to love a God who simply, loves me. accepts me and adores me. what more can i ask? i just need to respond in love and by faith. well, some of u guys might have heard my story umpteen of times (sorry for that larr i like to repeat stories :P)

i do not know where are u in ur walk of life or who's reading this. this is a story that God carved out and is still polishing right till this moment, but can i challenge u to search for Him? God isn't just for Christians (huh??) or neither is it a bond that u sign ur life away to adhering to all the rules and regulations. but its a love relationship. look deep within ur heart and soul, ask urself, do u long for that someone to fill that longing of love and purpose in life? life has its meaning when u live for whom gave u the meaning to. When i'm faithful, God is faithful, when i'm nt faithful, God is still and always will b faithful. He loves you and me. do you dare? take the plunge. fragments made new.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11 NIV

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NLT

20 February, 2005
xh @ 11:25 PM

mid week post

ah.. back from class not long ago, say 11pm++ oh gosh. i realised going back to the normal routine of work 9-6pm and classes every twice/thrice times per week wasn't easy. must have goton too relaxed during the holidays break.. today's lesson was great as usual! we learnt to draw our family tree (they call it genogram) wah.. so many symbols and all. interesting. cuz its part of our assignment.. now to start interviewing my parents and digging out all the family history stories :D

while on the way to class earlier on, met a classmate, we chatted, i popped her the question of what moved her to sign up for this course (social work) as i wanted to know what are some things that drives ppl to make certain decisions. she answered, "cuz i've got a friend who gave up a lucrative banker's job to do social work and that puzzles me enuff to sign up and find out more".. once again, i'm at first quite floored by her ans cuz.. i mean, how can u just come for this a yr course and pay say 3k+ (prob not a big sum for her?) just to er find out? i asked myself, how can i ever be sure?

i think sometimes, i can never be so 100% sure of things even before we tried it agreeded? had lunch with boss today, talk about some stuffs about my course and what i'm going do after that.. and further studies and all.. again, where to. what then. when will it be? sometimes all these drives me nuts haa! the unknown of the future! taking each step by much faith that God will provide and opens as i plunge in does freaks me out quite alot of times! even until now i still duno whats' in stalled! but,

God.. i trust u.. if i don't trust u, who can i trust? u brought me thus far, and i will not give up. give me strength to go thru' each moment, each day by your saving, amazing grace. forgive my shortcomings of lack of faith and even doubt, pull me from my pits and put me on solid ground. in all these i trust unto You. :)

17 February, 2005
xh @ 12:22 AM

tuesday-getting better?

yay. yet another day passed. tuesday. work work work.. rush rush rush.. was supposed to catch a movie tonight.. but cuz of the SPUG PBG, it was called off (sob!) okok.. its not THAT bad. after confirming with friends that e movie outing is cancelled, decided to go for the spug pbg. for those wondering whats, spug, wats pbg? let me tell you more about where i "hang out" on the net :D i frequent a forum, www.spug.net : spug stands for Singapore Palm User Group. hmm. i think i joined in yr 2003 but chanced upon the website cuz i was searching for some helps on my palm problems. then had to register to post threads or questions. so i did. then i was quite laid back in the forum for almost a year before i jumped into it again in say early or mid 2004. wah.. then what follows becomes "fun" haha.. have to confess, it took up time! YES! SPUG occupies a part of my life on the internet.. -_-" alot of times had to drag myself off the screen! people from SPUG are so helpful. in case some of u wondering how where all my tech. ans and "insight" comes from, there. u have it. SPUG. great bunch of ppl there. super duperly (rember no super DUPER? :P) helpful! questions almost never goes un-answered! *clap clap*

this evening after work, went down funan to collect my Livestrong yellow band. and u guessed it! had a mass order at SPUG (thank you dm!) too bad i ordered only 1, should have taken more! (haha! i'm on waiting list!) here are some pics :






ahh.. the group went for dinner while i decide to head back home. mum cooked :) had a quick dinner and i plunged into my sch work. did some phone calling-did an interview thru the phone!(for my sch assignment lar) then bump around on the net for drivers for my scanner to work on my ibook! wah.. and getting all tired over it.

i think i'm finding myself not able to concentrate on doing "work" be it reading or doing my school assignments/homework at home after work is cuz i'm.. so tired.. working is tough. (yeah.. tell me abt it) most evenings when i'm back home (if i do not have classes which ends at 10pm and reach hm at 11pm!), i just want to .. rest my mind, which = stoning in front of my ibook or just chatting with my parents.. haiz. discipline. i need to have a rein over my priorities and not let them rule me and grab my time..

ha.. i think God might be telling me something here abt my life and my "weakness" too. i tend to say YES to everything.. and in e end.. burning myself out .. yeah. i need to rest and not always be running a 100m dash. .. :) yeah. haa. change change! of cuz hoping i don't again tire myself out by thinking and brooding over this too! haa *xh, 1 brooder and stoner! :S* okok. for once, i'll try to sleep early *TRY* and get some gd nite rest for tmr. got class.. Working with Families. yay! one of my fav. lesson. the lecturer is a counsellor, i like the way she engages the class in discussions and challenges us to think out of the box and ha! ask difficult moral/ethic issues which alot of times i feel i goto make a stand.. not always outwardly, saying it out, but alot of times, i goto decide in my heart.. where do i stand in certain issue, how do i go about overcoming and why do i or don't i do certain things in a certain way. :) so much food for thoughts! but hei! its thru' learning that we grow too! hope i'll be able to contribute back to society in time to come with the skills learnt! YAP! time to log-it-off! ;)



15 February, 2005
xh @ 11:12 PM

monday-work-blues

ohh... its monday yet again.. after the long long long super duper long rest.. i've become super duper lethargic.. not gd not gd... but have to say when u're engrossed in your work, time flies. before u know it, i'm out of office! had some "fire fightings" to do in office today, but other then that, alls well! after work went to orchard apple centre to get my ipod shuffle silicon case.. and.. alas! saw the leather case.. *drool* was roaming around in the stall for a while before i decide to grab the last pack of silicon case white+yellow (there's no other colors left!) .. at least its cheaper then the leather.. just couldn't bare to get the leather case leh.. its $45 leh... (such a ex case for a NOT so ex ipod? hmmm?)

here are some pictures :-







okok.. my first attempt to attach pics.. yikes. just can't make it align horizontal. so paiseh... hmm. didn't realise time flies at home also (ahhhhh!) these pictures thingie has taken me so long! ... super duper tired (okok.. no more super duper tmr..) .. guess will call it a day (i think heh :P) end of my monday blues post. -bleh-

14 February, 2005
xh @ 11:00 PM

and its sunday-dg-outing!

today there's no lesson for dg, (discipleship group).. can do whatever we want with the group (okok, not everything!) i brought the boys to bukit panjang plaza macdonalds (ok lar.. not the most exciting place), but hei, my first attempt to get to know them better out of class context. we talked about their ccas (they are gd in soccer i found out!), interests, hobbies. fun bunch of kids!

i must say i started this yr in a "blur". i really like playing e guitar for sunday service and even attempting to help at doing up chords, learning new songs now and then. but since this yr i've commited to take up the role as a dgl, i guess i can't do all things well :) so had to give my better all into dg.

hmm. teaching doesn't come as a trained skill or a natural gift i would say. so having my first ever class last mth was a frightening experience ha! could remember the -silence- i have to face when i ask questions.... .... but hey! whats faith when i know it all and can do it all without trusting? i think in the end, its God who moves hearts and its Him who changes us. i realise there's that much i can do, attempt, but without God who at his own timing, to cause change, i'm nothing.

each class is a faith lesson to me. no matter how much time and effort you put into preparing can't make a change an encounter and learning point for the kids if my heart isn't right before God. i'm reminded to leave my lesson plans, my desires for the boys, my insecurities with Jesus before i can go into class and be effective. its God who chooses to use and teach. not how good my presentation skills are nor how interesting or fun my lessons are. so, thank you guys for giving me this opportunity to learn too! ;)

came home, wahh.. had lunch back at .. bukit panjang plaza (yes again!) and dozed off on bus, 40mins ride home.. weather's super warm these past few days, and first time felt so grateful for air con! haha!

dad's friend+family came over to "pai nian".. 3 cute children! heh. though i stayed in room to blog (like now?) so didn't get to talk to them much.. neighbour cat came in to terrorise the youngest (haha.. okok kidding, e cat just walked in lar).

tmr back to work! gosh. i hope i still have time to blog! goto chiong my school projects too! all due in coming march! :S jia you! (self motivation lol!)

candlenight dinner anyone? 26th sat. (not tmr v day larrr) :D





13 February, 2005
xh @ 4:45 PM

the beginning ::

hmm. my very first post, my very own blog. yeah. heard alot. seen quite some. wanted to. but no time though. long holiday, had some loads of rest and idling. not productive though. work piles. demands waits.

hey, when will it end? guess not. questions comes, questions stay. answers non. trust. faith. in all. each day. each night. each breath. i have to trust. Life's challenges, life's unknown probably isn't to be understood sometimes? but to trust and rely. on Him alone. :)

oh gosh. its past 4am now.. ha. what went over me to want to start blogging? *shrug* later got worship prac @ 3pm. hope i wake in time! lol. ahHHhhh! zZzz time!


fragments made new ::


12 February, 2005
xh @ 4:36 AM