camp next week!

today's post gonna be short.

was rather bz at work with normal things to rush, ppl to chase after documents for, etc etc. i kindof had to take leave for my photo shoot session for my PS card and medical appointment.. guess boss finds it tough for me to go on leave esp when i need to clear work for her now.. can feel the pressure coming along..

had e SFMS camp meeting just now, really excited abt the camp next week, 2nd Sept - 4th Sept. fri to sun. we have 25 campers coming from EIGHT countries! China, Indonesia, Korea, Malaysia, SG, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam! woah.. its a mission trip held right here in sg beside our church! it never dawn on me that the responsibilities of how we shine for Jesus would be like till i actually think of it. 3 days, 2 nights with the kids. tho' its an english camp, i think ultimately, we hope to build true friendships and even so, bridging a r.nship with them to God. God lead us and help us be Your salt and light in the camp!

kindof packed for the weekend ahead. will check back soon! :D night!

24 August, 2005
xh @ 11:49 PM

A Lesson of Faith.

haa.. before i get wallop left, right, up-side down. have to apologise to my dear faithful friends who have been faithfully dropping by to see if there's anything new with my life here and disappointed every time for months now! SORRY!!!

i thought i want to share a lesson, a lesson that took me 3 years to learn.

-i'll try to be short- trust me- i try-

long long before your time.. oops. i forgot.. i'm supposed be short.. :P okok..

from my previous post about my confusing, journey around the "desert" for life, being in the working phase of life. i've veered from IT, to current admin work.. which i really ask myself, what's meaning to all these that i'm doing daily.. it might seem kindof "whining" some u guys, but it was really tough and painful for me.. not believing and not knowing, how or where i fit in life. i mean, i do believe God has a purpose for me and even a job that would glorify Him. i just do not know it ....

many times, i reminisce about my "blissful" years in poly when my faith was practically on fire! i would take every opportunity to share my faith to my friends, serve, commit to any activities i could possibly be in church, having such enormous sense of mission and direction in life. and i can't help but ask why had things changed now?

i never knew what it meant to rise above circumstances. i thought when i was in poly, i was so full of faith and that i'm definately on the "right" track with God. there has been periods of running away from directionless, meaningless and many painful, teary nights which i ask myself, "Is that all to life? nothingness?" i never understood, what is rising above circumstances.

i asked myself, hey maybe its overcoming self and being more positive! i tried, the emptyness came back knocking at my door's heart. i think, maybe i need to do more! i got burnt out and as if my life's been laid bare for the sun to dry.. i never knew, what does it mean to have FAITH.

from my last post, i completed my specialist diploma in human services, many people came and congratulate. many came to ask, "whats next xiaohui?" i felt i'm at a thrown into a junction again! i wondered, "what's wrong with me anyway?!? always trying to figure things out, but never did!" FAITH.

i remembered very clearly one night i got home from work, i was surfing, and i happen to pop by MCYS (Ministry of Community, Development Youth and Sports) webbie. i scrolled to the "Career" page, i saw an opening, "Rehabilitation Officer", willing to work with youths in residential settings and willing to do shift work, qualification requirements : diploma with passion for youths. I applied. i remembered applying for this job a year ago but was not even shortlisted for an interview.. but i thought, i've nothing to lose anyway, why not. and i did.

a month pass and i almost forgot i ever applied for this job, (i only applied for this job after my diploma course!) i was caught in a big dilemma of pursuing my degree course which cost like S$36k! gosh. i was in such distress on the money issue that i asked myself if its even worth it pursuing this and getting myself all in debt for years to come! (and i'm supposed to help ppl with difficulties?!) God You got to be kidding me... and morever, my criterias one or another fall short of most of the banks that do loans.. (not forgetting the interest my friends..) i was bouncing the idea of this route for almost 2 months! closing date is nearing.. God i'm so frustrated and doubtful of Your calling.... i really did.

August, i received a call from MCYS, saying i've been short listed for an interview on the job i applied for a month ago! woah. where did you say you are calling from? .. i almost choked. something's happening.. a start of a story untold. and the rest were history. i signed my contract with MCYS yesterday, 22 August 2005. i'm officially employed as a Rehabilitation Officer with the Ministry.

so what's all these goto do with Faith leh? important meh? huh??

thru' the waiting time and the slowing down and listening to God, i finally understood. i finally understood that faith will just be a "said", dead overly-mentioned cliche if its not tried and tested. i finally understood that God wanted me to learn, its not the times when things are going brightly that i should trust Him, but true, geninue faith rises above the circumstances. and i learned, faith is a choice. we CHOOSE to have faith. sounding wrong? maybe this will clarify what i'm trying say :

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

oh man. it never seemed the same again. to have faith means, "yet to see" but still making a deliberate decision, choice to believe and cling on to it. true faith has been to the depts, thru' the fire and thru' the storm. the un wavered heart stands in applause from our Father until one day He welcomes back home to feast with Him.

i finally understood You Lord. to trust, to have faith, to stand in the midst of doubt, storm, is my choice to believe. even when its hard, even when its painful and even when it seemed impossible. as i looked back, this lesson of faith, will ever be a milestone carved into my heart of this journey of faith.


(okok, this post not the shortest i've written heh.)

23 August, 2005
xh @ 11:13 PM