another night

yeah.. working night shift now.. i guess this is the only time which i have to actually sit down and recollect what has been happening in my life?

of late, i've been trying to figure out which degree course should i embark on. finance is an issue. i've two options. (prior it was only one) to do the Monash degree which costs 38k, 4yrs part time or to do Edith Cowan which costs 17k with 1yr exemption, 2yrs part time.

haiz. pros and cons. the obvious is the cost fees difference.. such huge difference! but Monash being the group of 8 uni from Aussie, of course the recognition is there. (its jointly offered by SSTI which is the training arm of NCSS - govt body of MCYS) so the accredition and credibility is definately no problem.

As for ECU (Edith Cowan uni), its offered by the academy of human services.. before this, i've not heard of this academy, apparently they started only in yr 1998. explored this course and the obvious is the fees.. its so so so much cheaper then the Monash (branded)! i'm stuck. i goto do my sums of re-payment and how long i would take now.

someone whom i really look up to and trust mention, maybe to pursue Monash does not sound too logical cuz of the debt i'll get myself into.. but among all the social services professionals i've spoken to advised me to pursue monash instead of ECU which is lesser recognised (some have not even heard of this uni) i'm in a dilemma now.

i hope this clears soon. you are right (you know who u are), i think in my heart i've already made up my mind, from the way i write and the way i "sway" towards, that have already exposed my choice. but i really question, question if i've made e right choice? if its not then what i wil get myself into! a huge debt trap!! the consequences are enormous!

has the desire to pursue a degree deafen my listening to His voice? has the longing to feel "equipped" lose my trust in Him? i pray not.. i want to be open, i want to listen, i just hope i'll hear.

continuing in the night...

24 March, 2006
xh @ 1:09 AM

work day-nite

okok.. haven't been updating for a while.. erm. i'll try update my life?

as usual, am working night shift now. (time of post) finally managed to get all the gals to bed at ard 1am... i duno.. but yest, a colleague said "if this doesn't work out, i'm leaving.." it kindof got me all mixed up with feelings.. on one hand i'm like thinking.. "so fast give up ah?" but i truely understand what she is going thru' as a new staff.. its hard working in a all female environment.. esp most of whom are retirees.. i got my fair share of "sufferings" too.. she's a christian, we spoke, and i encouraged her that things will get better as you familiarized with ur work thus lesser gossips etc.. i hope things will turn for the better for her.. and for everyone that's thinking of .. leaving.

today, i heard another colleague of mine say she had applied for another job... .. i'm so lost for words.. i duno whether to applaud myself for being able to "tahan"/withstand all the.... in this job and the ppl here or shld i ask her not to leave. its really very hard here.. not the girls actually.. but the people.. its rather demoralising to hear those newly joined, wanting or have already decided to go.. even the staff nurse i spoke to today said so! gosh.. what is happening here!?

i duno.. today i was reading 1 Peter 4:1-3 (The MSG)

1 Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way.

2 Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.

3 You've already put in your time in that God-ignorant way of life, partying night after night , a drunken and profligate life. Now it's time to be done with it for good.

what a timely reminder from Him.. it struck through my heart.. esp this period which i keep thinking if only i could get OUT of my situation and even go back to my "comfort" zone.. i hated where i am now. this passage reminded me that Jesus went thru' more, if our Master was scorned, lashed, nailed to a tree, what more us, His servants.

i've been very laid-back with my spending time with Him lately.. (and i mean VERY..) these 3 verses greatly warned me that i need to stop feeding my old self, my sinful and God-ignorant ways. i need to feed my new soul which is God-centered and not self. i need to remind myself as i wake everyday that i live for Him and i really obey to serve Him and Him only.

its never easy, but we can CHOOSE to do so. in every situtation, we have a choice.

what's yours today?

10 March, 2006
xh @ 2:09 AM