why go church?

a long overdue post. i want to etch this down to serve as a reminder for myself if i ever ask myself this qns again..

last sunday, on my way to -u know where lar-, church. i didn't want to go. really.. (duh? okok why?) i think the "self-centeredness" attitude came in again. I think it became rampant when i start to miss e ppl in church, the activities... the feelings of being included, belonged. i feel alone..

the thought of going back to church after few sundays of work, i dreaded e feelings of -left out- and duno what's happening as the activities, the bustling life of youth service pass me by in front of me as i stand watching. no.. it didn't felt gd.

ppl coming up to u asking "hey! long time no see, how are u?" and before i can blurt out anything "...", "hey! i talk to u again k? bz lar, got this .... and .... bye!" me: "uh.. ok cya.."

i desperately look around for something/ somewhere which i could fit right in where nobody would notice me standing feeling lost. but my heart is heavy.

why do i go church? a soft, gentle voice rattle inside my heart. i asked back e qns. he asked, "u knew, my child.." ... i did. i refused, i object, i rejected. but .. i compiled. i said "its because of u.." he:" -smiles-" i want to go church because there is someone whom i called and acknowledge as God my Father. yah.. i remembered.

Its not because of friends nor activities or even to get the feeling of feeling belonged. i needed Him.. very much. i wouldn't know where or how i would be living without Him above. He has never left me, he will never will.

if i'm to seek friendships, activities, to feel belonged, to find my, self. i won't. i will only find eternal belonging in Christ as i'm not home yet, i'm just a passer-by in this world, thus i will NEVER feel at home or belonged here. till i go to be with my Lord, then i will be home. i look forward to that day.

From thus point on, i know why i go to church.

if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

28 April, 2006
xh @ 2:55 PM

evening out!

yay! back, smelling nice after a bath.

did my night shift last night and came home this morning to sleepzzzz. but i think what i was looking forward to is an evening out solely with dear janie! :)

when i asked who to accompany me watch ICE AGE 2, she replied! we caught the movie just now and it was humourous! a great time just relaxing and just really enjoying without stress, thinking of work or anything!

we met faith, siew luan and rosalind too! where leh? we went sakae sushi! yum! had fun and a nice time chatting! yay! pictures in my flickr album on the right top hand of this page :)

i think its been so so long that i've actually been so care-free.. too long. but am glad that God allowed friends to be around and to have fun too! i cut my hair and colored it haa! jane is waiting to see hor?? hmmz. shall not comment on it. bleh-

ok lar. enuff of updating the bloggie cuz SOMEONE sayz i haven't been updating.. haa! cya guys! i'm getting busier with work .. moving over etc. bleh -_-

01 April, 2006
xh @ 11:45 PM