God is near.

my heart was dry and cold yesterday. i was pondering over qns which i knew i never wld find any answers for. i got into a moody patch, esp when i heard my friend/colleague's bf died .. yes, he's the same age as me and my colleague. tho' i've never seen him.. somehow, the losing of a love one is just so heart breaking.

i pray for healing, for my friend. comfort for the broken heart. i cried.. i know He is too, above. if only my friend knew.. if only she knew there is someone who knows what she is going thru'.. ..

i went running yest.. (yes, after a much long break) my ankle problem isn't getting any better each day. its getting worse in fact. due to e nature of my job, i have to be very mobile and on my feet thru' out my duty hours. tiring... i ran.. and ran.. and ran... i wanted to beat the blues that was following me.. i wanted to drive e clouds away. i want to find God. i needed Him.

I got very frustrated with life, frustrated with giving, keep giving parts of me. i shouted at God

"Why do i have to keep giving! i've no more to give! can you just make it stop! i'm tired.." ..

"Who's giving here? Why do u give? From where do you give from? remember child."

God, i need you in my life, i've left you at the doorstep. i walked away. its you whom i need to be plugged into. its You that i need to draw strength and purpose from. Help me.

=======

today :

taught DG after a long break. dry as ever.. but i just prayed, God You teach your children, You lead.

reached workplace, saw my colleague friend alone in the computer room, plucked up courage and walked in, she was crying... heart broken. i walked up and offered an arm over her shoulder. sat beside her in silence... Father you minister to her, your created, your dear child. Although she doesn't know You personally, but she is my friend Lord, and even dear to you.. be near her. this i pray..

after work, saw 2 small memo/letters on my table from my girls.

"nobody understand me, i duno who to turn to" "i reallie mish you" "i love eu alot" "you must take care of yourself" "so happy can see you and you chose to talk to me" " i'll not 4get you, thanks for the help and concern you gave" "you're always my 1st best house mother" "just now i slping then you come, friend wake me up, so happy to see eu"

the broken world, broken hearts are ever needing. needing a hope, needing a lending ear and love.

Jesus, i sing praises of thanks to you. You works in your wonderful ways. You cares every so much for your loved ones. You never fails. You pick me up when i'm down and crying.. Father i know i can trust You. Thank You.


Song

Over my head - Brian Littrell

I tried to figure it out
Time and time again and time again
I guess there's just some things I'll never understand
'Cause Your ways aren't our ways
But deep down in my soul, down in my soul
There is one thing I know that I know

I'm in over my head
Right where I wanna be
I'm so lost within Your love
The love that always covers me
So high, so deep, so wide
A strong and cleansing tide
My soul has found a place to rest
I'm in over my head

I've been holding on
Now I'm letting go, just letting go
Gonna let Your love carry me away
I don't know where I'm going
But I'm surrounded by the truth
And I can feel the current pulling me
Deeper into You

I'm in over my head
Right where I wanna be
I'm so lost within Your love
The love that always covers me
So high, so deep, so wide
A strong and cleansing tide
My soul has found a place to rest
I'm in over my head

You see me for who I am
You did reach out Your hand
You made me understand
That Your love has always covered me


25 June, 2006
xh @ 11:39 PM